Well Past 50: The Weblog of Boomerful.com

Visit Boomerful.com!

  • www.boomerful.com

Boomerful Recommends

  • New Image.com
  • Real Self
  • Fashion Blog
  • The Image Studios
  • Fashion Fit Formula
  • Ionithermie
  • Atrium Health Spa
  • Obagi
  • Nehlsen Communications

Glam.com

Blog powered by Typepad

Surviving Valentine's Day After Your Sweetheart Has Passed Away: Five Tips to Comfort Grieving Hearts

by Contributing Editor Melina Papadakis

For many, Valentine's Day is a fun time to send or receive flowers, chocolates, and cards. For those with deeper relationships, it's a time to rededicate one’s love to a special person. But when your loved one has passed away, the arrival of February 14th may bring only sorrow. Yet, says author Joni Aldrich, most grief counseling focuses on the holidays in December, not this one in February.

"If you find yourself alone on February 14th after years of celebrating with someone you loved very much, the void you feel can be overwhelming," points out Aldrich, author of The Losing of Gordon: A Beacon Through the Storm Called "Grief" from Cancer Lifeline Publications. "It's difficult to see happy couples all around you when all you can think about is the person you have lost."

Aldrich speaks from experience, since she knows firsthand the pain of grief. In 2006, she lost her husband Gordon after a two-year battle with cancer.

Aldrich still finds the holiday hard to endure, even though it's been three years since her husband died. And she's not alone. If you are facing Valentine's Day by yourself, perhaps for the first time, Aldrich offers some thoughts that might make the day easier to navigate.

Prepare in advance. Maybe it's true that ignorance is bliss, but even if you wanted to forget this holiday, our consumer-driven culture won't let you. According to Aldrich, ignoring February 14th will only work until you see displays of Valentine's cards in stores. “Survival requires looking deep inside yourself to determine what you might do to make this holiday less painful,” she said. “There is no secret formula – we're all different – but try to focus on the fact that it's just one day."
 
Know what to avoid. It's important to stay integrated into the outside world, and to remember the traditions you and your sweetheart shared – but Valentine's Day might not be the best time to do either.

"Stay away from restaurants," Aldrich advised. "The empty place across the table will cast a pall on any pleasant feelings you've managed to work up. Along those lines, avoid any of the 'old favorites' that might be painful. Order take-out or cook at home, but don't fix that special dinner you used to make with the person you loved."
 
Stay busy. Chances are you've heard such advice as: "Get out of the house! He wouldn't want you to stop living your own life." Such insights are underpinned with truth. Try to plan an activity that will take your mind off your grief. "Schedule some quality time with friends and family," Aldrich recommended. "Play some board or card games rather than watching movies, unless there isn't a hint of romance in them.” She also suggested focusing on a new project that you really enjoy, such as redecorating.
 
Allow the emotions to come. Remember that grief never fits into a timetable, and that it's unhealthy to pretend that everything's okay when it's not. No matter how prepared you think you are, grief can still bowl you over. "Remember that it's okay to cry,” Aldrich said. “Let the emotions come – just try to keep them from overwhelming you. Depending on how you feel, you might write a love poem or letter to the one whom you are grieving. The point is that it's okay to remember those whom you loved and lost."
 
Turn your love to other treasures. Although Valentine's Day is marketed to lovers, it isn't limited to them. February 14th is a time to focus on others you love, such as children and grandchildren and friends. "Love comes in many different kinds of relationships," Aldrich observed. "Why not buy a box of the old, simple Valentines you distributed as a child and send one to each of your friends? Every day is a good day to tell those whom you love how you feel. And don't forget to love yourself in the process."
 
While Aldrich has rebuilt her life and moved on, her memories of Valentine's Days past with Gordon continue to hold a special place in her heart. "As much as possible," she concluded, "try to focus on all of the blessings you still have in your life, and on all of the love that you still enjoy."

Do you have a coping technique for dealing with grief that you would like to share?

Posted by Nancy Nehlsen on February 12, 2010 at 10:45 AM in Advice | Permalink | Comments (0)

This Thanksgiving, Pace Yourself!

Thanksgiving weekend can be a revolving door of food and drink, so watching your weight can be a real challenge. From turkey and stuffing to pumpkin pies and whipped cream and all those delicious leftovers, it’s difficult to make smart choices when confronted with so much good food at so many gatherings. Dr. Grigory Sadkhin, founder of The Sadkhin Complex, has sent these seven essential tips to help your diet plan to survive the feasts ahead!

1. Prepare your mind: When attending a party, tell yourself you are there to socialize, not to eat. By keeping your attention on conversation, you will eat a lot less.

2. Plan your wardrobe: Wear tight or body-conforming clothing. You will feel full much quicker if you experience slight pressure on your stomach.

3. Prepare your body: Make the day before the party a “fasting day” with green tea or raw fruits and vegetables. Fasting the day before the party will shrink your stomach, and make it easier to not overeat. The day after, try to eat your first meal as late as possible: never earlier than noon. Give your digestive system time to recover from the holiday feast. Also, remember to eat a small but satisfying meal before you go to the party, to take the edge off your hunger.

4. Pace yourself: Imagine you are a food critic. Don’t just dig into whatever is in front of you. Taste and sample different types of food. You’ll fill up faster, and enjoy a broader taste experience. Engage in conversation whenever possible. The more you talk, the less you’ll eat! Use smaller bites, smaller plates, and smaller forks. Chew 25 to 30 times before swallowing your food. This will not only help digestion, but it will also prevent you from eating too fast and overeating.

5. Portion in threes: Eating in threes (i.e. limiting salad ingredients to three items, preferably raw fruits or vegetables) will help stimulate the digestive system and improve absorption while promoting proper organ function.

6. Prep for dessert: Desserts don’t have to be unhealthy! Fresh or poached pears are an excellent way to satisfy your sweet tooth without consuming unhealthy sugars and fats. Dark chocolate is preferable to milk chocolate, and is a great source of anti-oxidants.

7. Pour the right drinks: Alcohol is rich in sugar and carbohydrates. Instead of sweet drinks or sweet wine, drink straight drinks or dry wine. Drink green tea instead of coffee before and after diner. Not only does green tea contain caffeine, but it works to enhance your metabolism as well.

Do you have any suggestions to add to these fine tips from Dr. Sadkhin? If so, share them here on the blog with all your Boomerful friends!

Posted by Nancy Nehlsen on November 13, 2007 at 02:15 PM in Advice | Permalink | Comments (0)

Caring for a Sick Spouse, Partner or Parent

One our experts on Boomerful.com, Dr. Dorree Lynn, wrote a wonderful book, When the Man You Love is Ill, Doing the Best for Your Partner Without Losing Yourself, on how to care and cope when someone you love is ill. The amazing thing is that it's not just for a wife, it's for ANYONE who has a significant other or partner who is ill. Read more about the book on boomerful.com >>

Posted by Nancy Nehlsen on June 12, 2007 at 10:20 AM in Advice | Permalink | Comments (0)

Boomer Advice: Changing Careers After 50

A Well Past 50 reader needs advice on a late-in-life career change:

"Hello, I enjoy your Web site very much. I have always dreamed of having my own flower shop. I am a nurse and just don't get the sastifaction like I used to. I went to college and into nursing because that's what women did 35 years ago but I would really love to have my own business. Is there hope for someone my age who wants to change careers so late in life?
Sincerely, Joan V."

Posted by Nancy Nehlsen on March 06, 2007 at 04:43 PM in Advice | Permalink | Comments (11)

Boomer Advice: Hot Flashes

We've started a new section on Well Past 50 called "Boomer Advice," and want our readership to participate! You ask the questions, and we'll get the answers. Readers can give their advice by posting a comment.

Here's a question from one of our Well Past 50 readers, Marty, that came in this morning:

"How do you deal with hot flashes? Often when I am under stress (i.e. conducting a meeting, speaking to groups, etc.) I suddenly "flash" and have perspiration on the back of my neck, forehead and my hair wilts. I am working on HRT doses, but in the meantime, how can I maintain my poise?"

Posted by Nancy Nehlsen on February 13, 2007 at 01:41 PM in Advice | Permalink | Comments (4)

Boomer Advice Needed

I received the comment below from one of our readers, Linda, and it broke my heart that I didn't have any good advice to give her. I'm opening it up to all of our Well Past 50 readers and I'm hoping that one of you has dealt with an experience like Linda's and can offer her the fortitude she needs to keep the weight off. Please add your comments!

"I am 59 years old. I work full time and go to school a couple nights a week. If all goes well, I will graduate this year. To my question: I have been overweight nearly my entire life. From a plump baby to a chubby pre-teen to a big-boned teenager who never had a date, I was always lonely as a child. I was just over 200 lbs when I graduated high school. I moved away from home and Mom's good home cooking; I lost 70 lbs in 6 months (actually too much too fast), gained a waistline and boyfriends.  Within 6 months I was married and pregnant. I gained 40 lbs with that baby. It took forever to lose that weight. And it has been constant yo yo dieting from then on. I had a hysterectomy at 50, and it has been a losing battle ever since. No matter what weight loss plan (and believe me I have probably tried them all), nothing seems to work. At 59, I am 220 lbs (the fattest I have ever been) and miserable.  Have  you any idea what can help me, or am I stuck living like this?"

Posted by Nancy Nehlsen on January 26, 2007 at 01:00 PM in Advice | Permalink | Comments (5)

About

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Categories

  • Advice (6)
  • Aging (16)
  • Attitude (31)
  • Beauty (33)
  • Books (1)
  • Boomerful Book Reviews (7)
  • Career/Education (1)
  • Cosmetic Surgery (6)
  • Exercise/Fitness (6)
  • Face Your Fears (2)
  • Fashion (11)
  • Fitness (1)
  • Food/Drink (6)
  • Health (36)
  • Nostalgia (5)
  • People (12)
  • Pets (1)
  • Poetry (1)
  • Politics (1)
  • Sex (8)
  • Spirituality (7)
  • Television (2)
  • Travel (1)
  • Video Podcasts (4)
  • Wine Reviews (1)
See More

Recent Posts

  • Surviving Valentine's Day After Your Sweetheart Has Passed Away: Five Tips to Comfort Grieving Hearts
  • Six Simple Steps for Looking (and Feeling!) Sexier Than Ever on Valentine's Day
  • Pack and Go!
  • Thinking Ahead for the Christmas Season
  • Learning More About Alzheimer's Disease
  • "As Seen on TV": Beauty Products Revealed
  • My Three Foster Dogs: Beloved Members of the Nehlsen Family
  • No Million$ for Bubbles: Florida Center Depends on Donations to Provide Home for Jackson’s Pal and Other Primates
  • Got Silk?
  • Fighting Back At Stress
Subscribe to my Podcast
Subscribe to my feed