Faces of Fear

A Personal Essay by Boomerful Reader Anna Petrick

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Each stage of life brings with it a set of fears - both seen and unseen.

That chubby-cheeked four year old may fear the dark; mamma leaving the house without him; and bugs and the big collie next door. The first day of kindergarten holds its own fears: "How will the teacher know my name?"; "I won't know where the bathroom is."; "What if some kid takes my snack?" Fearful indeed for a four- or five-year-old.

 

The kindergarten years soon become the teen years and a different set of fears surfaces:  "Will the other kids think I'm a loser?"; "Is this outfit dumb?"; "Will Mr. Larson give me a detention if I don't hand in this report?"

The teen years evolve into marriage for many and this brings yet other fears. The excited bride-to-be fears her wedding dress may not be ready on time, or she gains a few ounces and is afraid the dress will no longer fit.  The groom-to-be is afraid he will lose the rings or he will forget where he is to stand when the big day arrives.

Maturity - some call it old age - arrives and the face of fear changes yet once more: "Are those wrinkles?"; "Is that a grey hair?"; "That scale can't be right!"

Having survived these life stages and accompanying fears, I am now at the late, late boomer stage and the face of fear has almost disappeared from my life. I know where the bathroom is every place I go; I live alone and there is no one to take my snacks; I have lived so long with wrinkles they are like old friends. And it is no longer worth the cost to color my hair; I simply leave it as it is.

My one abiding fear now wears the face of Alzheimer's Disease. And I know that face well. I watched a sweet, gentle younger sister leave the family circle at the age of 55 because of Alzheimer's. I saw an older brother become a mindless infant before his death from this disease. And a beloved sister now is enduring many of the symptoms of this disease.

Statistics tell me that with my family history I am at risk for the development of Alzheimer's. But statistics also tell me there is much I can do to hold it at bay. Along with good nutrition, keeping the mind busy is believed to be a hedge against this illness. So keeping my mind busy now is my number one job.

The local libraries feed my love of reading, as do the two daily newspapers that arrive at my door each morning. I expect my mind to solve the three crossword puzzles printed in the papers, as as well as some from the endless supply on the Internet.

 

My computer works overtime helping me fill in the blanks in the family genealogy I’ve been working on since 1976. And believe me, the mind of anyone doing genealogy gets a workout, matching names and dates to family generations!

Travel, it is said, broadens the mind. Trips in the United States and several countries in Europe have given me much pleasure. Perhaps, in traveling, the necessity for the mind to remember flight times, hotel room numbers, and the difference in value between US and foreign currency may help broaden the time between a healthy mind and Alzheimer's.

Bed time does not always mean rest for my mind; I do not allow my mind to keep regular hours. Paper and pencil are always on the bedside table as the "wee hours of the morning" are prime working times when I'm in the grip of a new poem. Often just the right word or right line or right title calls out to me from the blackness of the night.

If someday Alzheimer's disease does come knocking at my door, I can face it in the knowledge I did all I could to keep my mind whole for as long as I could.

Comments

[Joyce]

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Joyce

[Susan LEVINE]

Having watched my father and aunts succumb to Alzheimer's, I, too, face that fear. I look for signs and other than the "senior moments," haven't encountered any so far.

However, I also am afraid of outliving the funds we have so carefully saved. Many thanks for a heartfelt, beautifully-written passage.

[Rita@Goldivas]

I wish the best for you, Nancy, and hope that you are able to avoid that terrible disease.

[Nancy Nehlsen]

Thanks, Rita -- though actually, the essay above was written by a Boomerful.com reader, Anna Petrick. Her byline is at the top of the essay. But I do appreciate your message! I hope all of us can avoid Alzheimer's Disease.