Countless tears have been shed by parents (mainly, Mothers) as they've watched their sons and daughters pull away from the curb in vehicles jammed with clothes, books, food, computers, CDs, etc. - the trappings of their life as they grew up in your home. They're off to college, a job in another part of the country or maybe just into their "own place" across town.
How are they ever going to make it on their own? Good question. Many do quite well, actually, dropping in for an occasional school holiday or summer vacation, laundry call or to pack away some of the world's best cooking - Mom's.
They're now on their own until they pick a mate and set up their own family nest - or, are they? According to information provided in AARP Magazine, since 1970 the number of adults ages 25 - 34 living in a parent's home has grown by more than 50%, to 39 million-and, on average, parents are spending an inflation-adjusted 13 percent more on their grown offspring. For many parents this additional financial burden means postponing retirement, raiding savings accounts and even taking on debt to help their kids.
In her book co-authored with Susan Morris Shaffer, Mom, Can I Move Back in With You?, Psychotherapist, Linda Perlman Gordon, describes this phenomenon as adultescence - they're no longer children but they're not quite adults.
There are many factors that serve to drive young people back to the nest - entry level salaries that have not kept up with inflation, the high price of buying a home created by a booming housing market, a pile of student loans and - for many - big credit card debt that started when banks offered them the plastic privilege at age 18. Card balances average $5,000 for 24-to 34-year-olds today and, with escalating interest rates, there's little chance of that getting paid off anytime soon.
Whatever the reason for these young adults returning home, most parents are willing to help, but there are are smart ways of doing so without getting yourself into trouble, as well.
- Be proactive. Ask questions and get a full picture of the financial issues involved.
- Let the child put together a proposal. If a financial bailout is necessary, agree on goals and deadlines for achieving those goals.
- Be prepared to say "no". It's good to help them get by but they need to learn to make sacrifices to get their financial life back on track.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. Counselors and financial planners are around for the purpose of looking at the big picture without being emotionally involved. There may be additional problems that need to be addressed such as an addiction or children of their own.
All of this can be painful, expensive and worrisome. But, with open lines of communication, these situations can be overcome.
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