There have been years in my life when no one died. At least no one close to me. And then there was this year: My two best friends died, an employee who had been with the firm for 7 years, a dear friend’s brother, a work associate’s son – there have been very few weeks this year without a funeral.
Some were less awful than others. The death of a child breaks the heart of every parent or aunt or uncle who has loved a child. Unexpected deaths cause shockwaves from the sudden realization of life’s uncertainty. Only the termination of a long and painful illness makes death seem almost okay. But even the least awful funerals are still awful. Ironic when you consider that so many of us are taught that there is an after-life much better than this one.
When my friend Woody came into my office to tell me about the fantastic, uplifting funeral he had just attended it sounded like someone had finally “gotten it." They sang happy songs at this funeral, he told me - not Amazing Grace that can reduce you to sobs if you never knew a single person who died – but songs with lively tempos and lyrics about joy and laughter. They all talked about the funny things this lady had done in her life. Then they released helium-filled balloons and laughed and hugged each other as the balloons floated their way to heaven.
Now that is a celebration of a person’s life. I’ve said it to Woody, my husband and my children – but I want witnesses, so I’ll say it again: When I die I want a party! I want people to gather together to remind each other how much I enjoyed life. I want people telling stories that made them laugh when I was alive, like the time I accidentally tucked my skirt into the back of my pantyhose and walked out into a room full of clients. I want dancing and really good wine for everyone. I want pictures of me wearing my face bra. And after the funeral, I want people to smile whenever they have a memory of me, not cry.
Maybe I need to make sure that I live my life in a way that will make friends want to celebrate me when I’m gone. I need to make a fool of myself more often, and laugh with more people. I need to give more positive feedback, and hug people whether they need it or not. I need to make life so darned much fun that no one will want the fun to end when I’m gone. Then maybe when I die everyone will put on their party hats, grab their best bottle of wine, buy a balloon bouquet, and head to my funeral.
"Remember me laughing and dancing or don't remember me at all." That's what I want on my marker. Several years ago I put together my "funeral songs" on a CD and gave them to the important people in my life and made them swear they would play only those songs at my funeral. I want the people in my life to know my favorite songs and perhaps even think of me singing to those songs, dancing until my feet hurt along with a $3.00 bottle of BudLite in my hand. I don't want someone on the pulpit who doesn't know me talking about where I was born, where I attended high school etc. I want my friends talking about the stupid things I did, the "that only would happen to Lynne" things. On occasion I've thought I should open a business called Caskets and Kegs, to help people celebrate the life of their friend or relative. I too want a festive goodbye a great party. After all, I've had a pretty good time, gotten through the hard times, delt with uncomfortable issues and most importantly I have loved and been loved. So go ahead and celebrate!!
Posted by: lynne | September 05, 2006 at 06:36 PM