Is sex as important in our fifties, sixties and beyond as it was when we were 30?
Absolutely! But for very different reasons. From the time a guy is 16 (some guys say 12, but I think they’re bragging), they have an absolute need to procreate. That ends about the time we have finished raising the children and struggling with the challenges of careers, and finally have time and interest in re-igniting the passion in our relationship
Women have the nesting instinct kick in some time in our early twenties and spend 90% of our spare time taking quizzes in Cosmo that will help us find the exact spots on our mate to drive him to sexual fervor. It’s only later that we find out that those spots include every inch of his body from the earlobe to the ankle bone. Our interest in sex ends when we look in the mirror and see a body that does not belong to a Cosmo cover girl.
So why is sex as important later in life as it was when it was a biological necessity? Because we suddenly have the rest of our lives to spend with someone we no longer know as a sexual being. We have watched him revert to childhood as he tried learning to skateboard with the kids, heard him utter expletives we never thought would come out of his mouth, and saw him sob uncontrollably over the loss of a beloved pet. The passion has been replaced with comfort and understanding.
You are faced with a new beginning with this person you began calling “Daddy” a long time ago. This is a guy you stopped exploring and started making lists for – lists of household chores, groceries and Little League schedules. We forgot the spots Cosmo told us about by now. We may not even know what turns him on today, as opposed to what turned him on twenty years ago.
He has lost much of his sexual appetite. We have lost the confidence of knowing that the very sight of our body will drive him wild with desire. He feels slightly inadequate. We feel slightly undesirable. We are once again perfectly matched. Re-igniting our sexual desire for each other could make our later years together more exciting, as well as more intimate and loving.
It takes more work at this age. But it is rewarding on many more levels than when it was based strictly on biology. It’s worth the time it takes to get it going on a whole new level. Try some simple changes in your habits and lifestyle and watch what happens.
Start exercising together. Exercise makes everything work better, increases women’s responses to sexual stimuli and makes you both feel better about your bodies. Men are far less likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction if they exercise frequently. Exercise also reduces joint and muscle pain – a huge deterrent to sexual gymnastics.
Find times for non-sexual touching. Make it a habit to touch him when you’re talking to him. Snuggle on the couch or put your arm around him when you get into bed – without expectations. Letting him know you just love touching him can cause a surge of interest to his libido.
Use sexual enhancers like warming gels. One gel by Lexxus International, called Alura, tingles and warms on contact, and is especially effective for many women when used daily. There are dozens of these gels available, and it’s worth experimenting to see if one works for you.
Create special evenings together that feature sexy music, no TV, and sensual foods. Some of my most memorable dates involved foods that helped create an erotic mood. Crab legs that require slimy fingers to eat them; or ripe, luscious strawberries dipped in dark chocolate, somehow stimulate an interest in sex.
Remember those sexy spots you read about in Cosmo all those years ago. They are far more important now than they were when his body was a sexual volcano. Experiment all over again to find the things that please you both. With kids gone and careers winding down it’s like a brand new relationship. And remember how much fun those were!
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