Recently we ran a survey of readers to find out more about the issues of interest to them. We asked questions about their favorite getaways, women who have inspired them and, yes, their sex lives. After reading so many articles lately about how “hot” we 50+ women are, I fully expected a flood of responses telling me that sex now is better than ever – wild and uninhibited! Boy, was I wrong.
Many women described a waning sex drive, little communication with their husbands, and even answered simply, “no longer interested." I started asking friends the same questions and got the same responses. “Neither of us are interested like we used to be," and, “We’ve never really talked about it," were common answers.
I love developing theories. From the conversations I was having, I began to develop a theory: As liberated as we thought we had become in the ‘60s, we didn’t liberate ourselves from our mothers’ beliefs as much as we would like to believe.
Many of us who burned our bras (or applauded those who did) have spent our lives having sex when we didn’t really feel like it, not demanding the foreplay we required, and faking orgasms - because it makes our mates feel good.
Before you get defensive, I know there are many of you who have openly discussed your sexual needs with your husbands, and bluntly pointed out that it wasn’t that good for you from time to time. But many of us have put THEIR egos first. After all, their egos are so darned fragile.
Now our sensations are less intense than they once were, and we have no idea how to tell “our men” what we need them to do to rev up those senses again. It may not be that they are insensitive louts. It may be that they believed our signals all along and thought they were doing just fine in the sex department. If it worked then, it should work now. And, instead of explaining that we require more foreplay and a different style of lovemaking, we just decide it’s no good for us anymore and reject the whole idea.
Of course, many women said their husbands weren’t able to perform, or seem to have lost interest themselves. That doesn’t mean they don’t love us and want to make us happy, does it? I think if sex is still important to us, most men would gladly make the effort to cuddle, stroke, fondle, and do whatever we want them to do to satisfy our very own selfish pleasure.
We’re all grown up now, and “don’t have that many shopping days ‘til Christmas." We need to get over ourselves, be willing to drop our puritanical hang-ups and say, “Honey, here’s what I need you to do for me.” And, don’t worry – it won’t just be for you. I guarantee, if you have a husband who loves you (and if he’s with you at this stage in life, he probably does) he will feel like a brand new man if he is once again able to bring you the kind of pleasure you’ve been fantasizing about. He’s a good guy, right? Give him a chance, and give yourself the opportunity of a lifetime – more years of satisfying sex.
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