Well Past 50: The Weblog of Boomerful.com

Ionithermie Session Video

Here's the first video of my Ionithermie session. Download 07_ionislimpt1ipod_lo.mp4

Candice Bergen and Signs of Experience

When will magazine editors get the message that we want to see our celebrity peers as they really are, and stop "photo-retouching" every bulge and wrinkle and droop out of the “older” celebrity faces we see on the pages of their magazines?

I picked up a copy of Ladies Home Journal in the doctor’s office the other day to read an article about Candice Bergen. Now, I am a real fan of Candice Bergen. I watch Boston Legal every single week – partially because I love seeing people that are my age being great at their careers, having sex, struggling with the same issues young people struggle with, and looking their age! Candice looks great on the series, but she looks 59. Tom Selleck may not have the same level of “hunkness” he once had, but he’s still one sexy guy.

Yet I look at the picture of Candice on the cover of Ladies Home Journal and she looks 25! Why? Why did they remove those wonderful laugh lines around her eyes and the slight jowls that prove she has the experience in life to offer some wisdom in her interview?

I read the interview and enjoyed what she had to say, but was distracted by even more photos of her on the page that looked as if she was barely out of the womb. If that wasn’t bad enough, I turned the page (the doctor was doing the usual doctor thing of allowing me to catch up on weeks of missed magazine articles) and there was Blythe Danner, at 61, looking like a teenager. Anyone who has seen the "Foeckers" (Meet the Parents) movies knows Blythe Danner looks fabulous for 61 – but she looks 61.

A picture of Candice Bergen on the cover of Ladies Home Journal is going to attract an audience of “older” readers. We want to relate to Candice Bergen as one of our peers. We need to see women our age showing the signs of experience on their faces, while still looking beautiful. We want to believe that it is still possible for us to be appealing, attractive, yes, even beautiful, even though we are well past ‘foreheads without frown lines’ and ‘necks without crosshatching.'

Mind you, I expect Candice may have had “some work” done in order to stay in the game. But I haven’t found any “work” that erases years like a good photo-retouching artist. Let’s let the magazine know – we want to see our peer-celebrities as they really are! That’s the only way they can be real role models for the aging population who loves them.

Contour Thread Lift, Part 1

Imagine a face lift without the invasiveness of surgery and almost no down time. Imagine taking ten years off your face for less than $2000. Too good to be true? Well, maybe a little.

The Contour Thread Lift was brand-spanking new when I heard about it and I rushed in to talk to my  cosmetic surgeon Dr. Stephen Bayne about the procedure. I was excited! I saw “before and after” photos online. I read the brochures promising miraculous results. I watched a woman appear on the Today Show, looking great, the very next morning after her Thread Lift. I have never really considered a face lift – too much time, too much money, and way too much cutting. This new procedure was definitely for me.

Dr. Bayne attempted to put a damper on my enthusiasm. “It’s not quite that easy,” he warned. “I wouldn’t plan anything for at least two weeks after the procedure.” TWO WEEKS?? I was convinced he was just exercising doctor-ly caution. If I saw it on the Today Show it must be true. I scheduled the procedure just two weeks prior to a speaking engagement in Florida.

Dr. Bayne drew 12 lines on my face where the threads would be inserted with a very long needle and pulled back with my saggy skin attached. The anesthesiologist started a drip that he promised would make me feel a little drunk. So, I would get to be drunk for an hour and walk out looking like a youngster again – not bad.

The procedure was being videotaped for broadcast on the Well Past 50 TV series – my husband is the director. When Dr. Bayne started cutting small slits along my hairline and inserting the six inch needles, my husband left the room. Less invasive didn’t mean “not gross”.

The procedure took about an hour and was followed by a Blue Peel to help tighten the skin even more. So instead of walking out of the office looking ten years younger, I walked out looking like a Smurf who had been rolled by a street gang. I was quite swollen, bruised and bright blue.

Since the blue skin would take several days to peel away, I didn’t know how bad I looked underneath. When the layers of blue skin were finally gone, the bruises and lumpiness were suddenly very obvious. Makeup made the bruises even more noticeable. Certain facial expressions created deep furrows in my cheeks and smiling made lumps pop out on my cheeks. I was certain I had made a huge mistake.

When I went to Dr. Bayne for my follow-up visit he assured me that the bruising and swelling that looked like “lumpiness” would go away. “People heal differently,” he explained.  “You can’t ever promise someone how quickly their bruises will disappear – bruises are not created equal.” 

By this time I had been forced to speak to an audience of over 100 people, entertain my entire family at a reunion in my home, and have multiple meetings with client groups – all with a face that looked like I had been battered. I was convinced I would look like this forever, and I was getting depressed.

After nearly three months Dr. Bayne suggested I see a physical therapist for facial massage and Ultra Sound treatments, even though many people told me the bruises were hardly noticeable. I went for my first appointment and was embarrassed when the physical therapist couldn’t see the bruises and lumpiness I had described on the phone. I had to admit, they seemed to have disappeared overnight. My face looked almost completely smooth and bruise-free.

It has been 6 months since the procedure and there are no remnants of the battering my face took. The naso-labial folds are greatly diminished, my neck is considerably tighter and the jowls are gone. The results are not miraculous, but pretty good. I have been told I look several years younger, and I am wearing v-neck sweaters with more confidence. The procedure cost $1600, but that varies from market to market. Although the brochure promised longer results, Dr. Bayne tells me I should expect about three years before gravity once again drags my skin into its natural state.

I would have been much more satisfied with the procedure is the propaganda had not over-promised. My doctor did a wonderful job with the procedure.  It’s just too bad I didn’t listen to him when he tried to warn me that I shouldn’t believe everything I hear.

View the first video of my Contour Thread Lift experience >> Download 04_threadpt1ipod_lo.mp4

Fitness Advice for Over Fifty

I like the Website Firstpath.com and it's take on exercise for those of us who are past the fifty mark. Fitness is much more than just moving your body around. Being fit has to encompass your mind and your soul for it to be beneficial to the whole of YOU.

The site also has age-appropriate exercise tips for people in their 40's and 50's. Worth a look.

I'm No Sissy

When I was 35 I looked at myself and determined that my former good looks were just that – former.  I had gained ten pounds since turning thirty, I had Crow’s Feet starting to show up around my eyes, and my skin had lost that youthful glow.

At 42, when I surveyed the same aging face I realized that my hair had lost its luster, my upper eyelids were beginning to droop, my eyebrows were fading and my boobs were less perky than they once were. I looked at pictures of myself at thirty-five and was amazed at how perfect I had looked at that age.

At 50 all hell broke loose in the looks department. I started looking at makeup designed for women over 50. My neck had developed a serious case of chicken skin, my butt had slid down the backs of my legs, and my lips and eyebrows had all but disappeared. I looked at pictures from my forties and was struck by how attractive I had been at that age.

It’s no different at 57. I watch videos of myself at 50 and wish I had the same skin and eyes now that I had then. At every age I think I’ve lost any attractiveness I once had. Then at the next stage, I look back and can’t believe how good I looked then, and how devastating the changes have been since then.

I suppose that means that when I’m 70 I’ll look back at 57 and marvel at how good I looked. And at 80 I’ll look back at seventy…etc. etc., etc.  I think at 90 I will stop comparing myself to former selves and embrace my wrinkles and jowls as a sign of a life well-lived. Or not. 

Our vanity is so deeply ingrained I’m not sure it ever goes away. My adorable little Mother still belts everything to create a smaller waistline. She stresses over her hair, and loves to get makeovers in department stores. Doggone it, she was a petite, cute, sexy little thing once – and in her mind she still is. Just as, in my mind, I am still 29 – a good age for me. I feel as cute and sexy as I was then.  Unfortunately it is very clear when I walk into a room that men are not “wanting” me, they are respecting me, if not totally ignoring me. Respect is a good thing. And so is wisdom - and confidence.

Bette Davis said, “Old age is no place for sissies.”  But, you know what?  It’s easier than being young again. I no longer cry over lost loves and career disappointments. I no longer have to win at racquetball or hate myself for all the things I’m not. 

The changes are going to keep happening. I will keep looking back and wondering why I didn’t appreciate myself at all the ages that preceded this one. But with every new stage I will embrace who I have become: a wiser, more balanced, confident woman, belting my blazers to create a waistline and wishing that men still found me HOT!

Go Ahead - SENIOR-SIZE me

I drove through McDonald’s yesterday morning and ordered my usual medium Diet Coke. When I pulled up to the first window to pay I was told, “That will be $.49”.

“For a medium Diet Coke?”  I retorted without thinking.

“Oh,” the window-lady said, “I thought you said “senior” diet.  A medium diet will be $1.29.”

SENIOR diet? I had never heard of a “senior” diet.  And how could they sell a drink for $.49? 

I pulled ahead to the second window and then asked, “What’s a “senior” Diet?”  The window-lady held up a regular small beverage cup. Albeit the cup was a little smaller than a medium diet, I liked the fact that it was 80 cents less.

Then the conflict in my mind began. I hate the word “senior." Categorizing people over 55 as a separate, helpless group that needs charity, offends my sense of dignity. Long before I became a senior I believed that I would always be too proud to accept discounts simply because I have lived longer than the youngsters selling me products and taking pity on me. I have thrown away enough AARP membership offers to shut down a landfill. But now we’re talking the difference of $.80 a day – every day! That’s a savings of about $250 a year, allowing for holidays, and mornings that I’m running late and don’t have time stop.

Suddenly the thought of having to admit that I’m a senior became an economic issue. If you add that $250 to what I could save in theater tickets, hotels, airfares, eyewear…this could be significant! Maybe I could use Wayne Dyer’s approach and change my thinking about things I can’t change. Maybe I could convince myself that admitting I’m old is actually a step toward loving myself exactly as I really am. Or maybe I could see it as helping all seniors get their just rewards for the wonderful things we’ve given the world, like “The Twist”, The Beverly Hillbillies, and colorful additions to our vocabulary, like “groovy” and “stoned."

Amazing how greed can justify changing your values to accommodate your material needs. Jeffrey Skilling, (former Enron Chief Executive), had a little more to gain from compromising his values than my $250 savings.  And, after all, I’m not lying or stealing – just taking advantage of my advanced age to save a buck here and there. 

There – rationalization complete!  I will proudly face the world as a “senior” - loving myself as I am, proud to represent such a wonderful generation – with a little extra cash in my pocket.

Robotic Pets: Where is the Love?

U.S. News and World Report recently reported that robotic pets may have the same health benefits as real live animals. At this very moment I am sitting at my kitchen counter with Jack (the Lab/poodle mix that we mistakenly bought as a Labradoodle) and Barkley (a 120 lb. German Shepherd pictured with me below) nestled as close as they can get at my feet. It is storming outside – one of those storms that occurs with violent regularity during Spring  in the Midwest. There is crashing thunder, torrential rain and marble size hail. 

Every time there is a crash of thunder both dogs look up at me, worried, but comforted by my touch on their heads. Later, when I get into bed, they will both be there – either right next to the bed or squeezed in between my husband and me. I am their protector. And that’s okay, because if I needed their protection, they would be there for me, ready to fight any intruder to keep me out of harm’s way.

Is there a robotic pet that will do that? Is there a robotic pet that looks at you with soulful brown eyes that speak volumes about her love and dedication to you? Is there a robotic pet that whines his empathy when you’re grieving, and licks your tears away when you cry? Is there a robotic pet that gets so excited when you return home after a few days away that he pees himself and in the process, your new hand-looped rug?  Aside from the peeing, I can’t imagine living without the multitude of benefits my pets offer me.

Pets help lower our blood pressure, speed healing and reduce the stress hormone, cortisol.  A recent study at the UCLA Medical Center, showed that dogs provided more anxiety- reducing benefits to heart-failure patients than the presence of their human loved ones. Dogs keep us active – walking them, playing tug of war with them, cleaning the pee out of the rug.  Dogs make us feel secure when we’re alone. Dogs give us absolute unconditional love.

I’ve been raising children for 40 years now. I started early and wrapped up late (my oldest son was born when I was 17, and my daughter was adopted when I was 42). I know when I am finally child-free I will have a tremendous void in my life. But I’ve also always had pets, and pets help fill voids better than anything I know. 

There are so many things to look forward to as we regain our freedom.  We can pursue all the interests we didn’t have time for, travel to all the places our kids didn’t want to go, and enjoy the restfulness of solitude.  But we nurturers don’t really want to give up our most important role entirely.  And we don’t want to run the risk of facing loneliness or boredom as our lives change.

For people who can no longer care for a pet, or as therapy for patients in residential  facilities, I guess a robotic pet is better than no pet at all. But as long as I can throw a stick and sanitize my rugs, real live pets will be in my life – and in my home.

Footnote:  To all cat lovers – I in no way mean to be discriminatory toward our feline friends. I would also much rather have a real live cat than a kitty-robot. 

Makeup Advice from My Daughter

With Picasso inspired shoes and “hip” clothes, my Mom, Nancy Nehlsen, never fails to do something wrong with her make-up everyday. I am writing to address this tragic deficiency. Just because you’re over 50, it’s no excuse to do a truly terrible job with your make-up. Make-up isn’t a burden, it’s an art. You just need the right tools, colors, and a touch of style.

When I first read my Mom’s “Make-up” entry, I was appalled. Granted, some of the tips were good advice, but I’m going to fix, rewrite, or add some tips that may help you. Pay attention now…

• Eyeliner: Wow, Mother was right. No wings for women over 50. But in my opinion, I don’t think wings work for anyone. A very thin line, almost inside the lashes, is the way to go. On the bottom, try just to fill the inside lower lid with a dark color. Blacks or browns, never blues. But for some people, that technique is uncomfortable. If so, then you should try the 209 Eyeliner Brush from MAC Cosmetics. Just do a very thin line with a black or brown shadow (Examples: Brown Down or Carbon, from MAC) or Fluidliners by MAC (Examples: Dipdown or Backtrack). Or, as always, you can use an eye pencil.

• Eyebrows: I agree that a small eyebrow brush dipped in an eyeshadow a shade lighter than your natural hair color works best for fading eyebrows. There are also soft pencils that you can use if you are very careful to feather in the look of individual hairs.  You don’t have to do the entire brow, just the areas that look a little bare.

• Like she said, blue is alright if it’s light and soft. But NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER! – use a creamy yellow under the brow bone. Yes, you should use a shadow under the brow bone, but never a creamy yellow. I think what my Mom meant to say was always wear a nice shimmery tan. This will result in your eyes seeming more open, more awake. (Example: MAC Base, Pearl.) Of course the smokey eye look is a plus, it will never go out of style.

• Lip Liner: For information in this department, read my Moms Blog.  I personally don’t like liners – it’s too hard to get a natural look.  I like a light colored gloss.  Lancome’s Juicy Tubes are great, but nearly every cosmetic company has them.

• Blush: I agree that cheek stains are better than most blushes.  I think all-over color, like Bare Minerals “Warmth” gives a more natural look than any blush that is applied just to the cheek.  This is another product that most cosmetic companies offer now.  It gives you the look of having a tan, rather than those perfect round roses in your cheeks.

• Mascara: As my mother said, never give up on mascara. If your eyes water a lot Definicils by Lancome does work best. But, if they don’t, use L’Extreme by Lancome.  It really does make your lashes look fuller and longer.

• If your eyelids crease use MAC Paints. Apply a nude color such as “Bare Canvas” to the eyelid, with a brush, not with your fingers. Then, go over it with any color you want. They also carry a variety of different colors in the paints.

• Last but not least: brushes. Brushes keep your fingers out of your makeup, and fingers add oil that ruins the makeup and makes it harder to apply. Brushes also blend colors better than your fingers or those awful little sponge applicators that come with eyeshadows.

Eyeshadow Brushes I recommend: 275 Medium Angled Shading Brush By MAC; 217 Blending Brush by MAC; 209 Eyeliner Brush by MAC

Eyeshadow Colors I that look good on nearly everyone:
LIGHT purples (lavender, lilac, so on.) [Beautiful Iris, or Pink Freeze by MAC]
LIGHT Blues [Fade and Surreal by MAC]
Greens are always nice [Humid and Swimming by MAC]
Yellows can be nice, but you need to pay attention to your skin tone.
Browns – Always okay. You can never go wrong with brown.

Don’t use shimmery dark colors on the lid, you may be able to get away with light ones though. If you want a natural look, go with the color Saddle by Mac. It’s perfect for any occasion.

I guess it was harsh that I made my Mom seem like a dufus, since she does manage to look pretty good most of the time – but some of her suggestions made me panic! I hope I have cleared up her somewhat misguided attempt at make-up advice. And I apologize if any of you have gone outside since my mother’s make-up entry. Comment if you have any questions or just something to say. We love to hear from you!

Taking Our Good Looks Seriously: The Hillary Factor

Has anyone even SEEN Hillary Clinton lately? I have.

I attended an intimate dinner with Hillary the other night. I was at Table #248 – the table nearest to the kitchen, which I believe to be where they seat VIPs. The food was mediocre, the wine was really terrible, but Hillary looked fabulous! I so wished I could get her to do a short piece for the blog on just what procedures she has had done and how she managed such a speedy recovery.

The last time I saw Hillary was on TV in December. “Dear me," I thought. “Political life and Bill’s shenanigans have taken their toll." Jowls aside, she looked tired, old and, frankly…not up to the task. Imagine - judging someone with Hillary’s credentials by her looks!

The sad truth is – we do. As brilliant and educated and experienced as Hillary is (despite your political affiliations, you have to admit that she is all of those things) her appearance does influence how we feel about her ability to lead our country. She knows that, and my guess is that she has hired a very expensive image consultant to advise her on surgical procedures, makeup, hair, wardrobe, etc., etc., etc.

Hillary’s transformation has had a huge impact on my constantly vacillating opinions about appearance and its importance in our lives. There is absolutely no way around it:  no one trusts an old, worn-out has-been to lead them anywhere. It’s okay to be old. It’s not okay to be tired of it all (and LOOK tired to say the least). Hillary’s looks in December said, “Man, it’s been a hard ride. I’ll do my best, but I don’t have much energy left.” Her looks today say, “I am ready to take on the challenges ahead. I’m rested. I’m energetic. I’m healthy.”

We talk about surgical procedures. We talk about hair, makeup and facial peels. And for what purpose? Vanity?  Not entirely. We really do need to present the real US to the public if they are to have faith in our ability to stay current, to find answers to today’s problems, and to lead them in a direction that might help them fulfill themselves. 

I don’t struggle to look good because I love to look at myself. I struggle to look good because I want to be taken seriously by everyone I deal with. I want them to know that the ME on the inside is what they see on the outside. I may be old, but I’m working hard every day to stay “in the know," current on what’s happening in the world today, and still able to make change when change is necessary.

My employees are an average of 20 years younger than me. Sometimes that intimidates me. Sometimes I feel empowered to teach them.  Sometimes I wish I were at least ten years younger so they would never discount what I say because I am still living in an era that they are only vaguely familiar with. They are all good people, so I suspect my insecurities are all in my head. They probably aren’t really looking at me with pity in their eyes when I forget my best friend’s name as I relate a story, or burst into an old Herman’s Hermits song when we’re trying to come up with a slogan for a client.

I can’t change that I am stuck in a ‘70s time warp. I can’t possibly relate to another generation's music, dialogue or belief system. But I can do my very best to be a part of a larger culture than “the boomer generation."  I can embrace the excitement of new music, new ideas and new fashions. And I can look like someone who might actually have a clue.

Watch for our upcoming video on Image Consulting with Kali Evans Raoul at The Image Studios.

Sex, Guys and Foreplay - Getting Satisfaction Past 50

Recently we ran a survey of readers to find out more about the issues of interest to them. We asked questions about their favorite getaways, women who have inspired them and, yes, their sex lives. After reading so many articles lately about how “hot” we 50+ women are, I fully expected a flood of responses telling me that sex now is better than ever – wild and uninhibited! Boy, was I wrong.

Many women described a waning sex drive, little communication with their husbands, and even answered simply, “no longer interested." I started asking friends the same questions and got the same responses. “Neither of us are interested like we used to be," and, “We’ve never really talked about it," were common answers.

I love developing theories. From the conversations I was having, I began to develop a theory: As liberated as we thought we had become in the ‘60s, we didn’t liberate ourselves from our mothers’ beliefs as much as we would like to believe.

Many of us who burned our bras (or applauded those who did) have spent our lives having sex when we didn’t really feel like it, not demanding the foreplay we required, and faking orgasms - because it makes our mates feel good.

Before you get defensive, I know there are many of you who have openly discussed your sexual needs with your husbands, and bluntly pointed out that it wasn’t that good for you from time to time. But many of us have put THEIR egos first. After all, their egos are so darned fragile.

Now our sensations are less intense than they once were, and we have no idea how to tell “our men” what we need them to do to rev up those senses again. It may not be that they are insensitive louts. It may be that they believed our signals all along and thought they were doing just fine in the sex department. If it worked then, it should work now. And, instead of explaining that we require more foreplay and a different style of lovemaking, we just decide it’s no good for us anymore and reject the whole idea.

Of course, many women said their husbands weren’t able to perform, or seem to have lost interest themselves. That doesn’t mean they don’t love us and want to make us happy, does it? I think if sex is still important to us, most men would gladly make the effort to cuddle, stroke, fondle, and do whatever we want them to do to satisfy our very own selfish pleasure.

We’re all grown up now, and “don’t have that many shopping days ‘til Christmas." We need to get over ourselves, be willing to drop our puritanical hang-ups and say, “Honey, here’s what I need you to do for me.”  And, don’t worry – it won’t just be for you. I guarantee, if you have a husband who loves you (and if he’s with you at this stage in life, he probably does) he will feel like a brand new man if he is once again able to bring you the kind of pleasure you’ve been fantasizing about. He’s a good guy, right? Give him a chance, and give yourself the opportunity of a lifetime – more years of satisfying sex.