Well Past 50: The Weblog of Boomerful.com

Florene's Heart

My grandmother died of a broken heart. I heard the story over and over from the time I was eight or nine years old. Her name was Florene and she was the original “free spirit" and bucking the trend, cutting her hair short in 1921 when other girls wore their long hair piled in elaborate designs on top of their heads. My adoptive grandmother was Florene’s older sister, and they were as different as night and day.

As free spirited as Florene was, my adoptive grandmother was as equally up tight and repressed. But she loved her little sister dearly, and would often get tears in her eyes as she retold Florene's story: She fell in love with a handsome young man named Bobby Lee. They were both from good families – leaders in small communities where decorum was the social dictum. Florene became pregnant at 18 and the two planned a hasty wedding.

Unfortunately Bobby’s parents found out about the pregnancy and forced Bobby to return to his home 70 miles (and a full day’s journey) away from Florene, and forbade him to ever see her again. Florene was left alone, pregnant, dishonored, and heartbroken.

She took to her bed, wasted away, and despite urging from her family to hold the baby, never saw my mother’s face. At her bedside the doctor made the pronouncement that Florene had died of a broken heart.

I loved the pathos of the story as a child. But, like everyone else, I would eventually dismiss the doctor’s diagnosis as primitive, and assume there was a physiological reason for her death that the doctor did not have the sophistication to recognize. I’ve changed my mind.

With the advent of modern medicine, doctors began to examine the human body in “parts." During autopsies, they discovered cases of abnormally large livers and brains with tumors on them, leading to the belief that each organ is separate from the others in its ability to function. Doctors eventually concluded that the human mind and body were two separate entities.

Finally the trend in medicine is returning to the belief that the mind, the body and all its organs function as a whole and are dependent on each other for good health. This changes our entire approach to medicine, psychology and our individual responsibility for our own health. It also gives us the opportunity to learn to heal ourselves and to help heal those we love.

Stress may be the number one enemy to our health and healing. We dismiss stress as simply a natural and necessary result of our busy lifestyles. Yet study after study has proven that stress weakens our immune system and compromises our ability to fight off infection. One study with control groups actually showed that wounds in people without a great deal of stress healed nine days faster than those in people with extreme stress. I have seen estimates that 80% of disease is caused by stress.

When we are under stress our brains release chemicals that affect the adrenal glands, causing fatigue, illness, and depression. It may be natural, but it certainly isn’t necessary. There is something we can do about it.

There are as many techniques designed to help us reduce stress and heal our bodies as there are people studying the topic. Meditation, prayer, self-hypnosis, guided imagery, visualization…they all have extensive track records of helping people heal faster, deal with depression better, feel less pain during medical procedures and even reduce the size of tumors in their bodies. 

I have tried them all. Through self-hypnosis my broken hand healed in half the time the doctor expected. With visualization my son was able to finally connect the bat with the ball in grade school. Guided imagery helped me overcome issues from my past that had caused depression. And prayer has helped innumerable times when friends were ill.

If these techniques are so effective in curing all the woes of the world, why aren’t we using them every day?  We forget. It’s that simple. When faced with crisis we revert to our less evolved behaviors – fight or flight, panic, stay with what seems safe. We have lost the ability to step back from the situation, go inside ourselves and listen to our heart tell us which healing technique is right for us.

And most doctors are not equipped to guide us. Few have had training in holistic healing.

Buddhist monks spend their lives training their minds to work FOR them. They can raise or lower their body temperatures dramatically and have surgical procedures without anesthesia. It is doubtful that any of us normal folk will spend the time necessary to truly be able to control the functions of our bodies like the monks do, but they offer proof that it can be done.

We will never know whether modern medicine would have saved Florene. But just as I now believe that she may very well have died of a broken heart, I believe that we all have the ability within us to heal our bodies as well as our hearts. Download Health-Florene.mp3

Glucosamine the New Anti-Aging Ingredient

A recent article on CosmeticsDesign.com suggests that a new ingredient is going to be hitting the skin care market: glucosamine. Typically reserved for those who are suffering from the painful symptoms of arthritis, the topical application of glucosamine could normalize pigment overproduction in skin cell, therefore preventing premature aging and reverse UV damaged skin.

The study done by the American Academy of Dermatology, also found that a combined version of glucosamine and niacinamide stimulated production of hyaluronic acid - a key process in rehydration of the skin, as well as increased collagen production.

We'll keep an eye out for products that start using the ingredient combinations and share our information.

Ionithermie Results: Detox those Inches

A reader commented on her Ionithermie treatments and I'm always fascinated to know what others have experienced.

Judy Hosler of Arizona writes:
"I'm into the Ionithermie for the detoxification, but the loss of inches is nice, too. I lost a total of 15 inches in 4 treatments.  The sore spots on the left side of my chest went away after the 1st treatment.  My chiropractor had just told me they were on the lymphatic meridian and that my lymphatic "stank." At home, I'm using the BioTechniques products to slowly detox. Also entertaining having another treatment or two done on another cruise we're going on in 3 wks. The lost inches are obviously not water. They're staying off & my pants are looser now than a week ago."

And I will add that Ionithermie results LAST. The feeling is incredible. Your body has less toxins in it after the procedure and your skin is smoother and more toned.

Different Forms of Hormone Replacement Therapy

Since bringing up the subject of hormone replacment therapy (HRT) a WP50 reader sent me a comment about her experience with HRT in a different (and less expensive) medium: pellets! Her physician, Dr. Gino Tutera,  developed an under-the-skin method to deliver the right level of hormones for your particular chemistry. Here's what Judy from Arizona has to say about her results:

"The pellet therapy is a no-brainer! No guesswork. Your body draws upon the hormones as it needs it, i.e., more under stress, etc. Two yrs. ago, I paid $480 for the 1st consultation & pellets; then $295 every 4 mos. after that. The pellets last 4 to 6 mos. on average... He [Dr. Tutera] checks thyroid, liver, estrogen, testosterone, progesterone & some other things. It brought up my thyroid number & I have a normal body temp for the 1st time ever!

My husband's mood, skin, libido is changed.  Dr. T also explained to us that testosterone is very important for the heart which is all muscle & that's why men have muscles.  Don't let a conventional doctor tell you you have to be careful with testosterone supplementation in men. They don't know how bio-identicals work. Dr. T says if natural testosterone was bad for the heart, all the 20 yr. old males would be keeling over with heart attacks! When do those problems start in life?  When their levels have dropped!

Dr. Tutera trains physicians all over the country. Every time I'm in his office, the airport shuttle is bringing in patients from wherever. Last count, I believe there's about 50 docs he's trained from all over.  Amazing that this form of HRT has been in Europe since 1939!  Dr. T hasn't had one case of ovarian, endometrial, breast or cervical cancer in 25 yrs.  What spurred his interest in hormone replacement was saving pregnancies from low progesterone levels."

Dr. Tutera's Web site www.sottopelletherapy.com

Go Ahead - Be Selfish!

“YOU ARE BEING JUST PLAIN SELFISH!”

Those words could cut the heart out of every young girl growing up in the 50s. There simply wasn’t a more heinous crime against mankind than being selfish – if you were a girl.  Being “nice”, being considerate of others, being unselfish – those were the hallmarks of a well-raised young woman.

I once joined a therapy group to get more in touch with myself. Our psychiatrist- facilitator urged me to let my feelings out by expressing my anger at everyone who had abused me. “Yell at your sister for bullying you,” he insisted. “Scream obscenities at your lousy ex-husband.”

I couldn’t. Yelling back really went against the grain with me. I was taught that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. And I lived by that rule.

My life in the business world has made me tougher. I’ve learned to say “no” to telemarketing fundraisers, and suppliers who drop in unannounced. But I still find it next to impossible to say “no” to my daughter when she wants a ride to a friend’s house, even though I’ve worked a long day and have a raging headache. I could NEVER turn down my friend’s children when they are selling frozen pies or bags of really gross candy for a school fundraiser. And I will suffer through the most tedious family events because Aunt Ethel would be hurt if I didn’t attend.

I’m 57 years old and I still find it inconceivable to put my own feelings before almost anyone else’s. My friend Lynne recently said to me over lunch, “We don’t have time to not do what WE want to do.” Lynne is usually right about these things. I’m certain she is right this time. 

At this point in life we absolutely MUST start taking care of our psyches, as well as our bodies. We need to ask for help when we need it. We need to say “no” to the things we don’t want to do, just because we don’t want to do them. We need to take time to be alone with ourselves, to exercise, or to commiserate with girlfriends our own age who understand where we’re at in life. We need to hire a cleaning lady, or start a new career, or retire and do nothing but stare out the window for a month if that makes us feel good. We need to tell our kids and husbands that they can get along without us from time to time. We need to stop being so darned nice and be a little bit selfish.

Because Lynne said so – and she’s usually right about these things!

Beauty Discrimination

All the buzz lately is about the trend of using plastic surgery to ensure a longer lasting, and possibly more profitable career. According to Reuters, men’s use of fat injections to soften deep wrinkles leaped 497 percent last year over the previous year. It's not just women who are obsessing over the need to improve their looks: One million men had some type of plastic surgery performed last year.

Gender issues aside, society will continue to attribute the increase in cosmetic procedures in women to vanity, while it will be viewed as a career necessity for men. According to an article published in The Wilson Quarterly, looks DO matter - we all want to look younger, healthier and more attractive, no matter who we are. It started as a biological fact thousands of years ago– in order to produce healthy offspring, we needed to mate with a strong and healthy partner. Strong and healthy quite often meant young and attractive.

While biology may play less of a role in our attractions to the opposite sex today than it did 10,000 years ago, a certain level of attractiveness has become a standard in society that most of us are unable to ignore. Why is George Clooney a sex symbol while Adrian Brody is just “a fine actor”? Why has Pamela Anderson continued to garner constant press coverage when her only talent is her ability to enlarge her lips and breasts simultaneously.

The dramatic increase in plastic surgery procedures is another case of treating the symptoms rather than the disease. And the more we applaud those who can afford to have their noses straightened, their foreheads lifted and their eyelids unbagged, the more people will re-mortgage their homes in order to afford cosmetic procedures.

I realize I’m not helping the situation. I’ll do whatever it takes to maintain a youthful, healthy appearance. Like everyone else who’s working hard to stay young, I really believe my career depends on it.  My years of experience in marketing, my track record of successful campaigns, my expertise…they pale when I’m compared to the hot new marketing chick with long blonde hair and a portfolio full of energy and enthusiasm.

I don’t know how to change perceptions so that people are judged by who they are on the inside instead of how they look on the outside. But it has become very important to me to think carefully about what attracts me to people – employees, friends, children’s friends – and stop myself when I sense attractiveness biases creeping in. Every one of us should be asking: How many valuable people am I excluding from my life because they don’t please me aesthetically? 

When we meet our daughter’s new boyfriend, how often is the first thing out of our mouths, “Oh, he’s cute”?  How often do we describe someone by their level of attractiveness, rather than their intellect or personality – “You know, the pretty woman with the gorgeous dark hair”?  I’ve certainly heard myself do it. No, it’s not fair.  It’s totally, blatantly discriminatory.  But it’s a fact of life. 

There was a time when age evened all that out. You passed 50, gained weight, got wrinkles and became simply, “that older woman”.  Maybe life was easier then, before technology and obsession combined to provide us with everlasting youth and beauty. Personally, I’m tired of the battle. I think I’m going to let the weight and wrinkles pile on and become “that older woman”…as soon as I finish my Ionislim treatments.

43 Years of Friendship ...

This is the month my friend Sandy (photo right, circa 1966) and I were suppose to have our girls’ weekend away. We do it every year. We go somewhere to shop, drink wine, have our nails done and giggle – mostly giggle. After 43 years of friendship we are like one soul existing in two bodies.

We became friends in junior high school. I was the new kid ... and not catching on very fast to school life, especially our mandatory home-economics class. Sewing just wasn’t my thing. Our home-ec teacher, MISS Olson, had just announced loud enough for the entire class, that the skirt I was making was a disaster, and that I must stay after school to rip out and replace my uneven and poorly done hem. I had obviously offended the very core of her being. I meekly responded that I couldn’t stay after school because I had a student council meeting.

Her ire was uncontrollable. “You mean YOU'RE on student council!?”  she bellowed. Right then I’m not sure if I actually morphed into a small puddle on the floor or if it only felt that way. I left the classroom wondering if I would ever make a friend in my new school after this stigma Miss Olson had casted on me.

As I walked down the hallway, face stung with redness, I heard a voice behind me taunting, “You mean YOU’RE on student council?!?”  I turned around to see cute, blonde Sandy Gravitt – one of the popular girls. But I could tell from the look on her face that her comment wasn’t ridicule, rather an affirmation of our comradeship against the evil Miss Olson. She caught up to me and walked beside me to my next class, teasing me about my defective skirt and how that meant I must be a total failure at life. And that has been the nature of our friendship for 43 years: using sarcasm to get through the down times and giggling until the bad parts went away.

We used sarcasm to stay positive when my early marriage turned violent and the divorce became long and painful. We used sarcasm to laugh through our children’s difficulties, Sandy’s divorce, financial burdens and even the deep sadness when friends passed. Not everyone understood how we could laugh when things were dark, but Sandy was the master at seeing the irony of life and finding humor in the most trying situations. Her wit was lightening fast, sharp and funny enough to diffuse every anxious situation.

I urged her to come to work for me when her kids started school – not because she had skills that my business needed, but because I wanted her quick wit and positive energy with me every day. For twenty years the clients adored her, the suppliers couldn’t wait to call on her, and I had that wonderful sarcastic humor with me eight hours a day to remind me not to take myself too seriously when life seemed overwhelming.

Sandy left the company when her mother became ill. She wanted to spend all of her time caring for her. And even though her mother’s death was the single most devastating experience in her life, she smiled and joked with everyone who came to pay their respects in order to lessen their discomfort.

Today, Sandy called to tell me we can’t have our girls’ weekend. She just saw her doctor and was told she has cancer. It started in her colon, and doctors were able to remove the cancerous mass, but the ensuing CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests and x-rays indicated that the cancer may have spread to her liver.

Neither of us could pretend that we don’t know what that means. We joked about the dehumanizing procedures of the tests and about the nurse’s condescending attitude. We joked about our annual girls’ weekend and how she was disrupting an important tradition. Then there was silence while we fought back tears and groped for the next wise crack that could put this, too, in perspective and make us laugh.

She still needed to go through four hours of additional tests to determine if the cancer had spread to her liver. I waited all day - crying, philosophizing, praying, crying. There wasn’t a joke for this one. I could lose the best friend I ever had.

Near the end of the day Sandy called back - the cancer had not spread. The doctor said this cancer responded well to treatment, and with chemotherapy and radiation she should be fine.

The sensation of a weight being lifted from my body was more than an emotional sensation. It was physical. I could suddenly stand up straight. The pain was gone from my shoulders, and my headache began to go away. I have my friend back, and I can laugh again.

Don't Worry - Be Optimistic ...And Live Longer

You can get more mileage out of optimism that you can from skepticism. A study by Yale and Miami Universities declare that people over 50 who viewed aging as a positive experience ended up living longer - an average of 7.5 years longer - than those who did not share a sunny outlook. Therefore: DON'T WORRY - BE HAPPY (optimistic)!

WANTED: Fashionable Comfort

I have rarely had a desire to hug a celebrity (except when Mel Gibson appeared shirtless in Mad Max), but when Kate Hudson was photographed wearing Uggs as a fashion accessory instead of après ski apparel, I thought all women should throw their arms around the little minx. 

I realize that Uggs were not designed as office wear for 57 year old women, but they should have been. I don’t think there is a woman over 50 who hasn’t had some type of foot problem. It seems like my feet have always hurt – from narrow toes, from high heels, from ill-fitting flats – there’s always something.

At least I had not been plagued by BUNIONS! Until now. A few weeks ago my second toe suddenly popped into a tent shape at the knuckle. You could push it down, but it wouldn’t stay. It rubbed against the upper part of every pair of shoes I owned, creating blisters and bleeding sores on the toe. I obviously had to get over my feeling that podiatrists are for old people and get my toe fixed.

The kindly lady podiatrist I went to looked at my foot and quickly diagnosed a “hammer toe”.  “How do we fix it?”, I asked optimistically.  “Oh, that’s very easy,” she said.  “For me, I just cut the bone in half and straighten out the toe and you sit quietly with your foot elevated for the next few weeks.  Of course if you don’t have the bunion fixed, the hammer toe will probably come back.”

The bunion, she explained was also easy for her to fix – but even worse for me than the hammer toe. She suggested I buy soft, wide-toed shoes and live with it. She showed me her very practical looking flats as an example. I have never been attached to spike heels or pointy toes, but I’m not ready for something orthopedic looking either.

I made a trip to Nordstrom’s to search through their huge variety of footwear for something comfortable. I had looked at roughly 200 pairs of shoes before a pair of adorable multi-colored, kitten-heel pumps caught my eye.  “Those are obviously too cute to be comfortable," I thought.  Imagine my surprise when I tried them on and they felt like tennis shoes. As fashionable as they were, they were padded and stretchy for comfort.  The footwear manufacturer, Detny, has incorporated things like a luxury liner for inside comfort, rubber pods on the outside to protect from extensive wear, and a comfort collar on their ankle boots. I bought two pair.

I was so excited about my purchase that I went to the women’s department to buy a great pair of designer jeans to go with my great new shoes. As I browsed through the rack of half price designer jeans a sales lady approached and suggested I look at a new brand they carry called “Not Your Daughter’s Jeans” (NYDJ jeans).  I was fairly certain these would look like old lady jeans, but I took them into the dressing room with two pairs of cool designer styles.

The tag that promised a Tummy Tuck and Butt Lift didn’t impress me – until I got them on!  Not only did they make me look slimmer and firmer, they fit like a glove and were as comfortable as wearing sweats. The designer jeans cut me in half just below the belly button and flared to a point of making me look like an antique bell. The “Not Your Daughter’s Jeans” Tummy Tuck Jeans were more expensive than my normal jeans, but I bought one pair with the idea that they would be my “good” jeans.

I walked out of Nordstrom’s feeling vaguely like an old lady, no longer able to shop in the Juniors department, yet elated that we finally have manufacturers who realize that we Boomers still want to look fashionable, but require more comfort than we once did.

Coincidentally, when I got back to my office I discovered that I had received a catalog from a company called Footsmart, which not only had shoes promising comfort and support, but a whole line of products for foot and toe problems – including hammertoe straighteners.

When our grandmothers, and even our mothers, reached middle age (which to me now means about 50) they were reduced to buying polyester pants with elastic waistbands and shoes that resembled standard Russian Army issue. Probably our shear numbers have been responsible for the change in manufacturer attitudes. We may be aging, but – doggone it – we don’t want to look it. 

I’m sure there are many more brand names out there that design shoes and clothing for the aging population, and I’d love to hear about them. We should all support those who support us – and I’m not just talking about the Butt Lift.

Anti-Aging Hypnotherapy: True Beauty Inside and Out

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.

It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

             Albert Schweitzer

Annie McVitie came to us as those who become most important in our lives often do. In a way that was unexpectedly synchronistic. Just as I was reaching the point of desperation in my search for a nanny, a friend from Arizona called to catch up after several years of separation. She casually mentioned that she had a friend from Scotland staying with her who had married an American and become pregnant just days before her husband was killed in a traffic accident. She was alone, obviously depressed, and had nowhere to live.

I instantly offered to pay her airfare to the Midwest to live with us and become my nanny. I had no evidence that this woman knew how to care for, or even liked, children. Some people may think it was irresponsible – I just knew it was okay.

Annie arrived with virtually nothing but the shirt on her back and an aura of calm that assured me completely that I had made the right decision. She cared for my daughter with love, kindness and always that reassuring calm.

We spent hours talking, sharing stories of the past, feelings of the present, and dreams for the future. Annie had spent her life learning healing methods from Reiki and Gua Sha to deep tissue massage and hypnotherapy. She became the anchor for my physical and emotional well being.

Annie moved back to Scotland after the birth of her beautiful daughter, Roshine. She continues to provide me with sustenance through emails and occasional visits. When I told her recently of my desire to help other women, like myself, to maintain and add to their enthusiasm for life, Annie told me that she had developed a hypnosis program that fit exactly with what I am doing. Once again, Annie and I are brought together through a synchronicity that continues to prove to me that there are people who are in our lives to help us become who we are really meant to be.

Here is how Annie describes the philosophy behind her Ant-Aging Hypnotherapy Program:

Anti Aging Hypnotherapy

At our core we are radiant, beautiful - love personified. Somewhere we have decided that we are not worthy of such love pouring through us and a spiritual block is created, giving rise to fear. This decision is the creation of the ego, and with the birth of the ego comes fear of death. The fear gives rise to space and time. As we have automatically created a distance between ourselves and Our Self, time is instantly created. The fear of death arises as we separate ourselves from the whole. When we are one with all, there is no death - there is only an expression of love in whatever guise it takes.

The arrival of time gives us past and future, the mind in its mental capacity always looks to the future. The mental block is lack and will show up as stress, low self esteem, low self worth, lack of confidence, powerlessness, superiority, inferiority, arrogance, etc. Catch phrases are “Just wait till I am…..I have” When I am richer….promoted….more beautiful……better” “One of these days” “Tomorrow”.  The emotional block is punishment and manifests as grief, sorrow, anger, hatred, jealousy and spite. Catch phrases generally involve what I am going to do to you, or what you have done to me, eg “I hate you”, “It’s your fault I’m sad”, “I was fine until you came along”, “Everything was great back then”, etc.

All of this pain is brought into our physical body, where it may show up as aches, pains and illness. This pain is etched on our faces in one way or another. Added to this are the effects of environmental factors such as sun damage, pollution, extremes of temperature, and, of course, gravity. The physical body has many requirements to keep it healthy, including water, good nutrition, exercise, doctors and dentists. However, if you try to impose an exercise regime on a body that is punishing itself through greed or sloth or apathy, it will resist. Therefore, in order to promote a good healthy, beautiful physical body we need to remove the resistance. When the resistance is gone it is removed from our minds and bodies, and ultimately from our faces.

The hypnotherapy method of anti-aging starts with an overview of the client’s intention and goals.  The first session will generally start with taking back control. The second session will work from this and look at time and radiance. These first two sessions will show positive effects immediately and are encouraging to the client. The next sessions will cover the emotional and mental blocks, always empowering control and radiance.

Finally the last session will empower, making the client feel fully present and beautiful, letting the inner beauty radiate from the face and indeed the whole body. As we work through the treatment and blocks are removed, the client may spontaneously change eating and exercise habits.

Hypnotherapy is also very good for working in conjunction with other treatment modalities such as plastic surgery. I often incorporate reiki, facelift massage, gua sha massage, and aromatherapy for a program that fully addresses the whole person, helping them realize their true beauty – inside and out.