The Trip to Beautiful: Boomerful.com Chats with Lois W. Stern, Author of SEX, LIES AND COSMETIC SURGERY

Associate editor Mark McLaughlin recently chatted with Lois W. Stern, Author of SEX, LIES AND COSMETIC SURGERY, who had a lot to say about ... well, sex, lies and cosmetic surgery!

Boomerful.com: Lois, tell us a bit about your background.

Lois: I graduated from Barnard College with a degree in Sociological research. I think I was always interested in "what makes people tick."

I got married the week after graduation. My husband was just entering law school and I needed quick employment to keep us from starving. Fortunately, I was able to get a teaching job after attending a six-week Intensive Teacher Training program! I just needed to take courses at night until I earned my Masters Degree.

I was a stay-at-home mom until our youngest child entered first grade, then I resumed my career in education. Again, I went to school at night to earn an advanced degree in a specialized area of education. I was always writing: for my work, for professional journals and two books for children. But Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery, well, that's far removed from children's literature, isn't it?

I have a sound button on my website where you can listen to me speak about my childhood and how I got into writing this book. http://www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com/Lois_W.Stern.html

Boomerful.com: For our readers who haven't read your book (yet!) - have you had cosmetic surgery? If so, could you tell us which procedure(s)?

Lois: Yes, I did. Frankly, I always thought of women who had facelifts as rather vain and shallow, and only got into it myself because of a medical condition that needed repair. But then I began to think: "Well, as long as I need to undergo anesthesia, why not do more?" So I had a total face-lift and a chin implant.

That was the part that thrilled me the most. It's such a long story why that chin implant effected me so deeply, but when readers read about my first post-surgery look in the mirror, they understand why. I'm not at all self-conscious about my surgery any more. In the book's Epilogue, I take readers through the entire process, with lots of pictures of me starting from the day before my surgery to the days and weeks afterwards.

Guess what I found out along the way? Cosmetic surgery is not so much about vanity or shallowness. I think it's more about awareness and sensitivity.

Boomerful.com: So cosmetic surgery improved your life - but did it have any downside?

Lois: It did improve my life, but it doesn't for everyone, although for most I think that is true. It gave me renewed energy and zest for living. And it gave me a new career, as well. But despite having a completely successful experience, which always includes patient satisfaction, I needed to emotionally adjust, and that did take some time.

Boomerful.com: What was your husband's reaction to your cosmetic surgery?

Lois: When I first spoke to my husband about cosmetic surgery, he felt it was a foolish idea. "Why would you want to put yourself through all that?" But as I talked more about it, he said: "Look, all I want is for you to be happy. If you're happy, then I'm happy too." Is it any wonder I've stuck with him for so many years? When he drove me home after surgery and saw my head wrapped in that helmet dressing, he said he almost fainted. But as he watched me heal day by day, his smile just kept getting broader.

Boomerful.com: Give us an overview of your book, and tell us, why did you decide to write it? Is this your first book?

Lois: Well, I mentioned that cosmetic surgery was a very emotional experience for me. I'm usually pretty stable and level-headed, but emotionally it threw me some curve balls. Some of this had to do with my own sexuality. Some of it had to do with transference, a feeling of tremendous attraction toward my plastic surgeon. I just didn't know how to handle all that emotion at the time.

I needed to know if I was unique or if other women's experiences were similar to mine. I searched the literature, but nothing much had been written about those intimate aspects relating to cosmetic surgery. That's why I began speaking with other women. If I didn't find similarities between their experiences and mine, I surely would have kept my mouth shut and my fingers away from the keyboard.

Boomerful.com: You talked with a lot of different women to get information for this book. How did you find women to talk to - and were any reluctant at first to tell their stories?

Lois: Everyone seems curious about these same questions, so let me answer them one at a time.

"How did you find so many women willing to be interviewed?"

I did a lot of networking. I asked for referrals from people I knew in related fields, such as estheticians, plastic surgery nurses, a cosmetic surgery consultant, the director of an upscale gym, and began that way. These professionals spoke with selected clients for me and asked them if they would be willing to be interviewed. I put a notice in the Barnard Alumnae Magazine, contacted people affiliated with cosmetic surgery websites and more.

"How did you get them to talk so openly about such personal aspects of their lives?"

I always started my interviews by explaining that I had recently had cosmetic surgery myself and became interested in writing about its impacts on other women. I told them that they could conceal their identity in various ways (such as changing their name or residence), but otherwise, I wanted complete accuracy and honesty. I explained that this would be a dialogue, so they could ask me questions, too. If any question of mine made them uncomfortable, they could just ask me to move on.

Boomerful.com: Sex and lies - sounds provocative! Tell us how sex and lies figure into the book.

Lois: Yes, the SEX part is provocative. The first chapter of my book is titled: Cosmetic Surgery - The Aphrodisiac Effect. The second chapter: Sexuality on the Home Front. I think that speaks for itself! The LIES part is a little more ambiguous and has three components. Women who don't want others to know about their surgery sometimes create elaborate stories to maintain secrecy.

Part one includes some of those inventive deception stories. Part Two is about the lies we tell ourselves. Many women I spoke with had hidden motivations for surgery that they didn't even want to admit to themselves. When I asked the question: "Is there anything you hoped would change in your life after cosmetic surgery?", I got very different answers than when I asked: "What motivated you to have your surgery?"

And Part Three is not quite about lies, but common misconceptions surrounding cosmetic surgery. I wanted to help women understand the process better, from what to look for in selecting a surgeon, important questions to ask, important information to share, to how to partner with your surgeon for the best chance for rewarding results.

There is so much misinformation out there! I just wrote an article entitled "Lessons Learned From the Donda West Tragedy" that's posted on my website at: http://www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com/Newsletter.html

If only she had known the facts, she most likely would be with us today.

Boomerful.com: Are you working on a new book? If so, what's it about?

Lois: Yes, it's going to be about minimally invasive procedures, sometimes dubbed "Lunchtime Procedures." We're living in a society where everyone is looking for immediate gratification. People don't want prolonged downtime - just a little social downtime at best, so this arena within the field of aesthetics is growing by leaps and bounds.

Boomerful.com: How can folks get Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery?

Lois: It's in a number of book stores, but if not available, it can certainly be ordered for you. Of course there's always www.Amazon.com and www.BarnesandNobles.com.

Best of all, I have a special offer running for my radio listeners and also, Boomerful.com readers. Not only is the book well priced, but it will be autographed (written to your request), and sent with a FREE gift, that I just love! When you go to www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com, click on the "Radio Listeners" button and it will take you to that order page.

Boomerful.com: Anything else you would like to share?

Lois: Yes, I write a health and beauty newsletter - 10 issues a year. Each one contains new articles with cutting edge information and other relevant news. I invite readers to take a look at the articles I have posted. There is a handy sign-up form at http://www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com/Newsletter.html so they can add their names to my confidential e-newsletter list.

Boomerful.com: Lois, it was a delight to talk with you.

Lois: Thanks, Mark! I enjoyed the chat.

Comments

[kimberly]

Yes, cosmetic surgery is not for everyone but I hope it will work for me...thanks for the inspiration!

[Lisa Ricci]

I read this interview earlier this month and ordered the book and it's great! I wish it had more pictures but it is still very entertaining.