No Such Thing as Wasted Experiences

Recently we asked readers to share their wisdom with us – to tell us what they would tell their twenty year old self that would help them become even better at “well past 50”.

C.B. wrote: “I would tell my 20 year old self to grow up! I feel like telling 20 year olds that all the time. Childhood is over. Time to develop some responsibility. Sure I had fun in my 20's but I wish I would have not wasted so much time on stupid stuff like bad boyfriends and dope.”

C.B.’s comments about bad boyfriends and drugs could have come from many of us – they certainly could have come from me.  I had my share of both during my twenties.  But as useless as those years appear to us now, I think they may have given us the most important learning experiences of our lives. I had bad boyfriends – and they taught me what to watch out for in people, not just guys. They taught me how to refuse negative influences in my life and respect myself for who I am – not who I’m dating.  I had good boyfriends, too, and many of them are still close friends. They taught me that men are not all alike any more than women are all: technically challenged, nags-in-waiting or vixens who turn into sexual icebergs once they have landed their man. The bad boyfriends and the good boyfriends together taught me what I was looking for in a husband – a lesson that served me well these past 21 years.

I did drugs, too – not enough to turn my brain to mush like some people I knew – but enough to know that I like being clear-headed most of the time. And also enough to know that it’s not all bad to let go of your inhibitions and your beliefs about yourself in order to explore the parts of your mind that are usually hidden from view.

Certainly I have moments of regret over things I did in my twenties that seem now like negative, or at least wasted experiences. But there are also times when I long for the freedom that came from not knowing who I was yet, and feeling perfectly justified experimenting with boyfriends or drugs in order to find out. I’m really not sure I know who I am now, but I’m too old to get high and sit up all night talking about myself to one of the “good boyfriends” who was willing to listen.  And the days of doing anything “just because it felt good” are long gone.

I agree, C.B., it certainly is time to start developing some responsibility in your twenties. But it’s also probably the last time in your life that you will be able to be totally self-absorbed without feeling guilty. It’s the last time you’ll be able to “search for yourself” without worrying about how it’s affecting the kids, the job, your husband or the community. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself for wasting that time, C.B. After all…it made you who you are today – a well past 50 grown up who is working on being better and helping others do the same.